The Real You Is Underneath All Those Layers

In my work as a hypnotist, energy practitioner, podcast host, and especially through past life regression, I talk a lot about two things: energy and mindset.

And I'll admit something.

For years, I was on the fence about a lot of this stuff.

Energy. Mindset. Going inward. Raising your vibration. Manifesting. Becoming empowered.

There was a time when part of me heard those words and thought, Okay...here comes the hoo-hoo, New Age hippie talk.

After more than 20 years of exploring these ideas, working with people, and more importantly working on myself, I've changed my mind.

There is something very real here.

But maybe not for the reasons people think.

Changing Your Mindset Isn't Magic

Spend enough time in the spiritual or personal-development world and eventually someone will tell you to change your mindset.

Think positively.

Raise your vibration.

Believe in yourself.

Let go.

Sounds easy, doesn't it?

Just change your mind and everything changes.

Except human beings don't work that way.

Mindset isn't a switch you flip on Monday morning after watching an inspirational video. And believing in something doesn't mean sitting on the couch, thinking beautiful thoughts, and waiting for the universe to deliver a new life to your front door.

There is no magic pill.

Real change takes self-awareness. It takes self-respect. It takes courage. It takes a willingness to look at the parts of yourself you'd rather avoid.

And yes, I believe it takes belief.

Because before you can move toward something different, some part of you has to believe that something different is possible.

You have to believe you're capable of changing.

You have to believe your past doesn't have to dictate your future.

And perhaps hardest of all, you have to believe you're allowed to become someone different from the person you've always been told you are.

That's where mindset becomes powerful.

Not because it's magic.

Because it changes what you're willing to do next.

Meanwhile, Life Is Happening

Here's the strange part.

While we're busy figuring ourselves out, life keeps moving.

This morning becomes this afternoon. This afternoon becomes tonight. Eventually we're lying in bed thinking about tomorrow.

Then tomorrow becomes yesterday.

And somewhere in all of that were the moments that actually made up our lives.

The walk with the dog.

Cuddling with the cat.

Dinner with family.

Laughing with a friend.

Breaking bread with someone we love.

A conversation we didn't realize we'd remember years later.

Ordinary moments rarely announce themselves as important while they're happening.

That's why I think mindset is about more than achieving goals or becoming successful.

It's also about being here long enough to notice your own life.

How much of your day are you actually experiencing?

And how much of it are you simply getting through?

Are you living—or running on autopilot?

If that question makes you realize you've been missing some of your own life, that's okay.

Don't turn awareness into another reason to beat yourself up.

Use it as a wake-up call.

Maybe today you notice the walk.

Maybe you put the phone down while somebody you love is talking.

Maybe you sit quietly for five minutes without needing to accomplish anything.

You don't have to change your whole life today.

You just have to be present for a little more of it.

Not Every Energy Belongs to You

Another thing I often suggest is trying to see life through somebody else's eyes.

That doesn't mean agreeing with everybody.

It doesn't mean excusing bad behavior.

And it certainly doesn't mean allowing people to walk all over you.

It simply means remembering that everybody you meet is carrying a story you know nothing about.

You're driving down the road and somebody cuts you off, throws up the middle finger and drives away like they're auditioning for NASCAR.

You have a choice.

You can let a stranger occupy your mind for the next three hours.

You can carry their anger into work, bring it home, tell three people about the idiot who cut you off, and let ten seconds of somebody else's behavior affect half your day.

Or you can say, I hope whatever they're dealing with gets better, and continue with your life.

That's what I mean when I talk about protecting your energy.

You don't have to take ownership of everything somebody else hands you.

Their anger doesn't have to become your anger.

Their fear doesn't have to become your fear.

Their bad day doesn't have to become yours.

Wish them well.

And keep driving.

Who Were You Before Everyone Told You Who to Be?

This is where things get interesting.

Most of us spend years becoming a person before we ever stop to ask whether that person is actually us.

As children, we're programmed by the world around us.

Family teaches us what's right and wrong.

Culture teaches us what's acceptable.

Religion may teach us what to believe.

School teaches us how we're supposed to succeed.

Other people teach us what we're good at, what we're bad at, what we're capable of, and sometimes what we're supposedly incapable of.

We absorb likes, dislikes, fears, beliefs and expectations before we're old enough to question any of them.

Then one day, maybe decades later, we ask:

Who am I?

That's a much bigger question than it looks.

Because what if some of the things you've believed about yourself aren't actually yours?

What if they were handed to you?

What if something somebody said when you were ten became a belief you carried until you were fifty?

What if the voice in your head saying you can't do that isn't really your voice at all?

This is why I like the image of an onion.

Peel away a layer.

Then another.

The expectations.

The fear.

The need for approval.

The old labels.

The mistakes.

The roles you've played.

The person you thought you had to be.

Keep peeling.

Eventually, I don't think you discover a new you.

I think you begin to recognize the real you.

The person who was underneath all those layers the entire time.

Reset Yourself

People have asked me, Where do I even begin?

My answer is simple:

Reset yourself.

Not by erasing your past.

Not by pretending difficult things didn't happen.

And not by becoming some perfectly enlightened human being who never gets angry, scared, jealous, confused or lost.

That person doesn't exist.

I think my copy of How to Be a Perfect Human 101 must have gotten lost at the hospital when I was born.

So I improvise.

Like everybody else.

Resetting yourself means becoming willing to face the questions you've avoided.

Who am I?

What do I actually want?

Why do I believe what I believe?

Where am I going?

Four little questions.

But try answering them honestly and suddenly they're not so little anymore.

We often surround these questions with years of emotion, fear, guilt and expectation.

Sometimes the answer doesn't require another book, another podcast, another guru, or another person telling us what to think.

Sometimes we need to become still enough to hear ourselves.

What Was the Lesson?

With every birthday, every success, every failure, every beautiful surprise and every challenge I never asked for, I've become more interested in one question:

What was the lesson?

Not Why does this always happen to me?

Not Whose fault was this?

Not even Why did this happen?

What can I learn from it?

Sometimes the lesson is about another person.

Sometimes it's about a decision I made.

Sometimes it's about boundaries.

Sometimes it's about forgiveness.

Sometimes the lesson is simply that I survived something I once thought I couldn't.

And sometimes I think this matters the lesson isn't obvious yet.

We don't always understand an experience while we're standing in the middle of it.

Maybe wisdom isn't finding an instant meaning for everything that happens.

Maybe wisdom is being willing to remain curious long enough for meaning to reveal itself.

So perhaps the question isn't whether life is trying to teach us something.

Perhaps the question is:

Are we present enough to notice?

Today, notice your life.

Notice what you're carrying.

Notice what belongs to you and what doesn't.

Notice the beliefs you've inherited, the stories you've repeated, and the parts of yourself you've buried beneath years of expectations.

Peel back one layer.

Ask one uncomfortable question.

Forgive one old version of yourself.

Be present for one ordinary moment you'd normally rush through.

And when today eventually becomes yesterday, ask yourself:

What did today teach me?

You might be surprised by the answer.

— Jimmy Gonzalez Noēma Hypnosis & Healing